I got diagnosed with OCD, paranoia, and anxiety when I was very young. I did certain routines and thought things that weren’t normal for a young child. So when I come to think of it now it doesn’t surprise me that I got diagnosed with it.
Outdoors Wellness With Katy Moyes
For example, you could never say the word death, as I was terrified of the idea of death. I wrote down the word “Alive” on everything, including trying to carve it into my skin. If I thought of something bad, I would have to stay in the same position until I thought of something good. This would counteract my bad thoughts. When I say “bad thoughts” I mean this; I could think of someone dying and being so afraid that I have thought it, that It would come true. If I had a pain in my stomach, I thought the worse that there was something wrong.
Later on in life, a lot of things happened in my personal life and I developed an eating disorder. Exercise became more and more and the eating became less and less. Having an eating disorder and OCD is very isolating, and my thoughts never stop. I have always compared my mind to “a hamster on wheels”. My thoughts never stop.
Me, My OCD, ED and the outdoors
I am currently going through “recovery” if you want to call it that, but I am aware certain thoughts will always be there.
I have always loved the outdoors, and I have always been the girl who loves to go for walks. Due to Eating disorder and my OCD there are always thoughts there, my mind is never quiet. It is constant from the moment I wake up, to the moment I go to sleep.
About 2 years ago something happened. Me and my partner went to the lake district, and we walked miles each day. The first days we were walking, it was beautiful and quite, I climbed and climbed until I was at the very top, I was thrilled to be at the very top. And I felt something I haven’t felt for years. Peace and contentment. This is where I want to be.
I never realised what was right in front of me. Walking. Walking is my solitude. My go to place when ED or OCD are too much.
When I am out in nature, purely walking in the fields in my own time, at my own pace, I feel calm and happy. I live with my partner in a cottage where there are so many fields to walk to.
When I have a “bad” day, I go for a walk. It calms me and quietens my mind.
This is my savour.
Author Katy Moyes
You can find out more about Katy Moyes at Hope For Mental Health
- Instagram: Mymentalhealthandme
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